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Dyslexia, behaviour and the need to control.

This post will challenge how you react as a parent to behaviour that your child exhibits.

I chose this picture for a reason.

It shows a child looking up whilst being spoken too.  For me, this picture shows a vulnerability for the child and it is almost as if they are forced to listen.

As parents, we will have experienced what it is like to be forced to listen, especially when we were told off as a child.
Personally, I experienced my parents forcing me to listen to their thoughts on an aspect of my behaviour that was unacceptable.  I felt small, vulnerable and I had to agree to change my behaviour. This way of bringing me in line also affected my own self esteem.

In more recent years as I parented my children, I realised that I was at times mimicking the behaviour of my parents when dealing with unacceptable behaviour presented by my children.  I realised that I was reacting more to control my child's behaviour more than trying to understand what was happening for my child for them to behave in that way.

In the case of my daughter with dyslexia, when she said that she hated reading, for a while I did everything I can to make reading more pleasant for her with the hope to get her to read more.
In hindsight I realised that I was reacting to her behaviour and not to the underlying root cause of it.

Eventually, we got to a point when we realised that our parenting strategies in this area were not hitting the mark.  In our efforts to control, we wasted valuable time in connecting with our child.  When we stopped and asked her about what was happening for her, we pretty soon realised that there was a chance that she was dyslexic and that set us all on a 'dyslexic journey' that produced great outcomes.

So my challenge to you is simple.  As a parent, in those moments when your child is refusing to do homework, read , engage with school: Do you seek to control the behaviour or do you seek to connect with your child and find out how they are feeling?

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